How Can You Afford That?

When buying gear or even toys, those on limited incomes are often criticized for spending money on expensive items. How do people with so little money have so much to spend on luxuries? Where does the money come from. Perhaps we should be asking where the money is coming from when people (some of whom are critical of those who buy nice things) get money for their expensive habits. Drugs, alcohol, weed, tobacco... even coffee (depending on where you buy it from) are all unnecessary, but the costs are staggering. Besides the collateral costs of consuming these substances, just the cost alone (which is calculable) is enough that, if redirected and saved, can be used for some really nice things. Let's do some math. I'm just going to include items that are legal in all 50 states, so street drugs and weed are above and beyond these figures. Let's start with tobacco. Say, a pack a day - moderate habit - of Marlboros (one of the most popular brands of cigarettes) average price is about $8.00. That's $2920 a year. Alcohol: Say you go home and have a couple of beers. Average cost for a case of beer is about $20. That's not excessive, about $303, but drinkers usually don't stop at two beers. They may go out drinking or have a wine when eating out. There's not a hard and fast figure, but it's not unreasonable to put a price tag of $30-50 every weekend for an avid drinker. Average that at $40 and that's another $2080 per year. Now, let's talk about coffee. I might be getting personal now. There are some people who pick up a coffee at Starbucks every single morning before work (some people also get one at lunch too, but we'll just do the morning routine to be conservative). Average price for a cup of Joe is $4.00. If only one is bought only on weekdays, that's still $960 a year.

Added up (and these are very conservative figures for some people), is almost $6000. Just abstaining from these three unnecessary substances can free up a significant amount for gear and toys. Just think how much more there is when not consuming street drugs and weed.

You might be inclined to think that drugs are for rich people. It may (or may not) surprise you that many wealthy celebrities lose everything because of their expensive habits and the collateral costs associated with their addictions. There are many who need to keep working past the time when they should be retired, not necessarily because they want to, but because they are supporting their expensive habits and the millions they could have earned and saved are blown on drugs and extravagance. The point being: even rich people can't afford drugs, alcohol, tobacco and partying. If you don't care where your money is going, eventually you won't have any, no matter how much you earn.

Get Your Priorities Straight

I never lived through the Great Depression, but I've had family members and friends who did, and their experiences parallel many of the hard times I've lived through with my wife and children in our most desperate times. I know what it's like to not have enough money for food and to donate plasma in order just to have enough to buy bread at the discount store. We've had to keep our kids home from school on field trip days because we didn't have two dollars for the activity. We know all too well what it's like to be homeless or live in substandard or crowded conditions.

There are people who claim they don't have money for the necessities of life (food, rent, car insurance, gasoline, repairs, clothing for the children and so forth), yet they have money for non-necessities. This burns me up. Let me go down the list:

Cigarettes - no, you don't need to smoke. Exercise some willpower and quit. This is an expensive habit/addiction that nothing good can come of.

Alcohol. Once again, nobody needs it in their life. Alcohol is not only expensive, but in many cases it is THE major cause of many problems in family and personal life. Quit. Get help. Join AA if you need to.

Coffee and energy drinks. I've never needed caffeine and I know many people who live fine without it. Some people spend a LOT of money on coffee and energy drinks. This is yet another addiction that if never started, a person does better without it. You can quit this too. You don't need it.

Weed and other drugs. Yes, weed is a drug. It's not a medicinal herb and it's not a necessity. Don't keep trying to convince yourself that you're taking your medicine when you get stoned. This is an expensive habit (and may I dare say addiction, for many). If you can't quit, get help. If you're living in a state where it's still illegal, keep in mind that getting incarcerated will cost you even more and could ruin your chances vocationally. Even if it isn't illegal, there are many employers who won't hire stoners. If you can't afford to pay for legitimate healthcare (from real doctors and other medical professionals) you definitely can't afford weed and other street drugs.

Going out to eat. Whether it's fast foods or fine dining, you will spend much more on going out to eat than you do cooking a balanced meal at home. If you are struggling to pay rent every month, you shouldn't be dining out.

Steak and lobster. I get that we all want a nice meal every once in awhile. Maybe that's ok, but maybe not. It depends on what you can afford. Unless you've got more money than you can spend, you can't do this on a regular basis. Save the expensive meals for special occasions (that is, if you can even afford to pay for necessities first).

Concerts and other events. We all need some escape and fun. I wish I could afford to go to concerts too, but I can't. Find an activity that doesn't cost money. If you can't afford living expenses, you can't afford to pay for tickets. Have a barbecue at the park or organize a ball game. You don't have to pay money to find enjoyment in life.

Music, apps and accessories. It's only a dollar here and there, but it adds up. This is one other thing you can't afford if you're struggling to make ends meet.

Expensive phones and plans. Having a cellphone for many people has become a necessity. It's just the way our lives are changing collectively. That being said, there are cheaper phones and plans. You don't need the newest iPhone. You can get by with a bargain phone that has the necessary features - and even some bonuses - without putting yourself in a financial strain. I've used less expensive Android phones and Strait Talk for many years and have gotten by just fine.

Designer clothes and shoes. Shop at Wal-Mart. That's where poor people shop. Let's face the realities. If you are struggling to pay rent and put food on the table, you're poor. Stay away from the mall. And for goodness sakes, how many pairs of heels do you need anyway?

Cable TV, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime... Should I go on? These monthly expenses are luxuries. Poor people can't afford luxuries. Are you getting the hint by now? Cut the cord. Check out books and movies from the library.

Fireworks. Just don't. If you have a craving for fireworks on the Fourth of July, watch the public display or hang out with a friend who bought some. You really don't need to blow your money on fireworks.

Tattoos. This should go without saying, but for some reason poor people seem to be able to come up with enough money for tattoos and body piercings, but are driving around with bald tires on their car and their kids are wearing clothes that don't fit them. Once again, you don't need them and they'll limit your ability to get hired. You kinda need to get hired if you want to have a job to be able to afford living expenses.

Hobbies. If your equipment, tools and activities are not earning you money, they're not an investment. They're just hobbies. When you're poor, you have two choices: 1) Use your tools and equipment to earn money. 2) Hold off on buying tools and equipment and paying admission to events or classes related to your field of interest until you can afford it. Some hobbies are extremely costly. I know because I have some expensive hobbies. I'm also in a position where I can afford them at this time though. I've had to put many of these desires on the back burner or be a minimalist in these hobbies for decades while I struggled to raise a family. When push comes to shove, you may have to sell some of these "investments" to pay for rent or put food on the table.

Credit cards. These can get away from you really quickly. If you have a spending problem, the last thing you need is a credit card. I'm not saying cut it up or cancel your card, necessarily, but do whatever you need to get out of debt and get to where you are paying off your credit card every month. Many expenditures that are put on credit are not necessities. If it's unexpected car repairs or home maintenance, travel to family emergencies or other urgent matters, that's another thing. Even then, be wise in your decisions. If you don't have the cash, you can't afford the credit.

I realize that none of us is without flaw in making financial decisions, but over and over and over again I witness those who continuously make unsound choices regarding their expenses. I've helped family members and friends and will continue to do so, but there are limits. There are limits as to how much money I can (or should) fork out to those who otherwise could help themselves out of a bind. It's not easy. It's never easy. I still struggle with my finances, but I also don't spend money on a lot of things that I see others squandering their hard-earned (or unearned) cash on. I also save up money that I get from side hustles to pay for my expensive hobbies. The last thing I want to be a part of is enabling people in their destructive habits, addictions and runaway spending. Everybody wants to be financially solvent... even successful. There are good habits and bad habits that determine your financial outcome though. I can't promise you financial success if you keep the bad habits to a minimum, but I can predict (with a very high degree of accuracy), that if you continue with poor choices and habits that you'll always be broke and you'll never have anything to show for the money you've earned. 

For the Love of Pets... and Children

I'm primarily going to use the example of pets in this post, but the same principles apply to children as well.

Throughout my life, I have encountered people who "love" pets. Some of these people rant and rave about how much they love their pets and even what measures they would take to defend them. Fair enough. I get that people have a deep emotional connection to an animal, for whatever reason.

What I don't get is how some of those same people who "love" their pets so much are also neglectful of their needs. They let them run all over the neighborhood, into traffic and into the wilderness with predators. They are indignant about neighbors who might be wary of their pets and their instincts or mischievousness, believing that their animals should have free access to the entire neighborhood - unimpeded - that means that livestock, other pets and humans (even children) should be subjected to any harm that is inflicted by their beloved pets, and if anyone even dares to protect their property, themselves or their children, those irresponsible pet owners are quick to make excuses or jump to the defense of the offending animal.

During the day (when the owners are at work, or evenings when their owners are playing) the pets are left on their own and not cared for properly. The anxiety and abandonment issues are real, but the owners "love" their pets. When it comes time for veterinary care, flea or worm treatments, baths/hygiene or sanitation matters, the owners are reluctant to love their pets enough to do what is necessary to solve the problems that inevitably come up as a result of pet ownership. Discipline or obedience training isn't even a consideration... because those things take time, work and (gasp) cost money.

There are even some animal lovers who don't even bother to have their pets neutered or spayed, get their shots or to legally register them.

If you love a pet or a child, you don't neglect them. You spend time doing things with them and take care of their needs. You don't abandon them when they become "inconvenient" with your life or when your living conditions change. You plan out their lives as you plan out your own. You take into account their future and how you are going to take care of them. For pets, it is a lifelong commitment of taking care of their needs. For children, it is a commitment of caring and nurturing, preparing them for adulthood so they can be productive and contributive citizens.

It is evident to me that many pet owners do not actually love their pets, but rather they just love the idea of having a pet. Sadly, this is the case for some parents as well.

You're Kidding, Right?

You know those people who follow a strict diet or regimen and get preachy or like to brag about it? Well, that's fine and I respect a person for their principles. People have their reasons and beliefs that dictate their choices in diet and other consumables.

Where I find the irony, even hypocrisy sometimes, is when we have to endure a lecture about the virtues of all natural, GMO-free foods when the person doing the lecturing smokes marijuana. Or when we get preached at about how harmful sugar and processed foods are by a tobacco user. Or a militant vegan (who does so for "health reasons") that gets in our faces about the harm in consuming products made from animals, but has no problem eating candy and junk food. How about those who brag about how healthy they are and spend hours every day preparing healthy foods and meals and abstain from harmful substances, yet eschew exercise or any strenuous physical activity?

See, if you want to adhere to a health regimen, then by all means go for it! If you want to customize your routine by including indulgences that contradict a healthy lifestyle, then don't get preachy. Don't get in people's faces about their choices, when you are not fully living a healthy lifestyle. Don't make a fool out of yourself. If you want someone to take you seriously or be accepting of your indulgences or weaknesses, then you're going to have to accept the eating habits of others.

Film School Frustrations - Episode 1

I'm grateful that I am getting an education. I am grateful for all the teachers that try to teach us about how films are made and for the few of my classmates who actually get it. Unfortunately, many of them really don't know much about storytelling. Being fresh out of high school and never having had much real-life experience, their stories or adaptations of them are based upon the following experiences:
1) Movies they have watched.
2) Video games they have played.
3) College life.
4) Weird dreams or fantasies that don't make sense to anyone else.
5) I'm really not sure what it is, but it's not really a story.

I wrote a beautiful script based upon a real-life experience (adapted for convenience of shooting at this school and the limitations we are under). This script won the adoration of teachers and many students. It was chosen out of many that were submitted to be produced by our class, primarily because the teacher liked it but also because my classmates voted on it. Now, it's probably not the best story ever, but it does have substance and meaning and when reading the script you will most likely care for the protagonist.

Now, having begun preproduction, between the key crew members and the teachers, they have completely rewritten the story. I can understand making revisions for the sake of budget constraints or impracticalities for micro-budget filming, but there are revisions to the script that make absolutely no sense. The story isn't even the same and from my perspective I couldn't care less about the protagonist any more than I can the antagonist. All it looks like is a failed attempt at comedy portraying a school fight that nobody really gives a hoot about. There is no real depth to the story and they've inserted gratuitous profanity and obscene gestures into the script that makes me embarrassed to have my name listed as an author. I generally don't write profanity, especially when it is unnecessary. It also has become more of a rip-off of popular films than preserving the charm of authenticity and uniqueness. So, this will become one of the many student films that will go down as being meaningless and lifeless, lacking originality... one that people will laugh at, not because it is supposed to funny, but because it is so lame. It was one that had a lot of potential, but being in a non-key position (as a stills photographer), I get to document the downward spiral of something that had a lot of potential but ended up as an embarrassment - shown to students as an example of how not to make a film. One of the things that probably bothers me the most is that one of the most important storytelling elements (the improvised weapon that the protagonist discovered) has been eliminated from the script and has been replaced by some cheesy VHS training tape - as in a Napoleon Dynamite-esque scene. This improvised weapon links the story together and is even featured on our crew tee-shirts that I personally designed, but now the tee-shirts won't even make any sense. It's pathetic.

See, this is where cast and crew members stop caring about their project. When the story ends up being lame, there is no passion to produce a good film. There's a saying that goes: "You can't polish a turd." This is the way that I feel about the butchered version of the script. I had intentions of writing a script for Final Project, but now I am reluctant to even try. Maybe I will save all my writings for my own projects... keep them to myself. Maybe I will write some lame script that tends to be what make it to the end product at film school... a throwaway script that I really don't care about but appeals to college teenagers with little or no real life experiences. But the dichotomy is that if I stop caring, then it's my own grade that suffers. I must go along with it and pretend to be passionate about the project and put forth my best efforts regardless of the impending train wreck that I predict in the very near future. I must be the best I can, support the film in ways that I can and keep my mouth shut... swallow my pride and not take it personally. I must let go of the creation that I made, because it isn't really mine anymore. I'll accept IMDB credit as the writer, in name only, hoping that nobody important actually ever watches the finished product.

I can take comfort in knowing that as the owner of the original piece and the one with the original idea, I can go forward and make it the way I really wanted to - into a feature length film or a longer short (more than 5-7 minutes, that's for sure), with real characters and locations and to be able to bring back the authenticity that I had intended as its creator - and one who lived through the drama in real life. I may also write this in book form.

The other thing that I need to keep in mind is that I came here to film school to learn the technical parts of filmmaking. Teachers try to instill in us the art and craft of film - in which story is the most important element - but month after month, students fail to grasp the concepts of storytelling and keep putting out lame productions. I will just keep plugging away, doing my best and putting my best effort into my schoolwork and into the projects and getting good grades and eventually I will graduate. I am learning not only the technical details of filmmaking, but I am getting to know which people and which types of people I will want to work with me and which ones I don't ever want to work with again.

I Suffer From Major Depression

There, I said it. But I'm also going to say some things that might not sit well with others who suffer from major depression, because these things go against common feelings about treatment and attitudes regarding the subject.

 First of all, I'm not going to just sit here and say "snap out of it" because that just doesn't work. You can't just flip a "happiness switch" on and make it all better. But it is important to realize that many (if not most) of us have periods of depression throughout our lives, though some people have more severe episodes. Some people have such deep emotional experiences that they no longer have the will to live. I understand that. Believe me, I do.

 Second of all, the idea of circumventing the system by artificial means may be less effective or even more dangerous than not doing anything to treat it at all. In other words, there is no effective one-size-fits-all "miracle pill" or treatment that will make depression go away. I am not going to go into great detail on why antidepressants (especially SSRI type) are unwise to use, but suffice it to say that anytime you circumvent or interfere with the natural process of your body or brain chemistry, you not only set yourself up for dependency, but there is a great risk of causing such an imbalance in the opposite direction, that you become a danger to yourself and other people. There is much evidence to suggest that the spike in murder-suicides in the past 30 years or so has been a direct result of antidepressant use.

Now that I have cleared those things up, I need to get to the meat of what I need to say. I am going to apply a little "tough love" to this post, but remember that I am not going to expect anything out of anybody that I am not willing to apply myself. I don't work that way.

There are some things that can be done to help alleviate the effects of major depression and here are a few that have worked for me and they have helped many other people as well:

1. Get out of bed and do something. You may not feel like getting out and doing anything - do it anyway. Put your clothes on, take a shower and groom your hair (and if you are a woman, put your makeup on). Don't sit or lie around all day in your pajamas, even if you aren't even planning on going out. Wearing pajamas is equated with sleep, laziness and lack of motivation.  I know I feel a lot better just getting dressed in "street" clothes. Work and accomplishing things makes you feel better on many different levels. By accomplishing something, I don't mean sitting down and reading a novel or watching television. It's the part about being sedentary that will keep you depressed. You might have to get out of the house to do something.

2. Avoid drugs (including caffeine) and alcohol. Besides the ineffective antidepressants that I have already mentioned, drugs will only compound your depressive state. This should be obvious by now.

3. Get outside. Just getting out in the sunshine and fresh air will do wonders for your mental state. Staying inside all day keeps you from sunshine, the natural source of vitamin D - a deficiency of which contributes to depression. You may take a vitamin D supplement, but it isn't nearly as effective as going outside and getting your natural sunlight. Go for a walk or do some yard work or get some exercise... which leads me to the next one.

4. Exercise. Regular, sustained exercise produces natural endorphins (which make you feel better), excrete toxins, and help to regulate the body chemistry. It also helps you to sort things out and aids in mental and physical health. Strenuous physical activity cures or aids a multitude of symptoms.

5. Eating a balanced and healthy diet. Not only are there foods and drinks that we shouldn't put into our bodies (like excessive sugar, salt and dairy products), but eating a variety of fruits and vegetables provides the proper nutrients and helps you feel better emotionally as well. Choose water over other drinks. Water hydrates for a healthy body as well as flushes toxins out of the body.

6. Interact with other people. You might not feel like being around people, but interacting with people and helping people will make you feel better. You should be selective with the people you hang around though. The cliche "misery loves company" is true in many instances and when we are depressed we tend to gravitate towards other miserable people. Go out of your comfort zone to find friends who will inspire you, not drag you down. Confide your feelings with a trusted confidant who is supportive. You don't necessarily need answers but sometimes you just need to vent or have a sounding board. Value and don't abuse this friendship though.

7. Learn things and develop talents. Learning stimulates brain activity, which makes you feel better emotionally and mentally. Your brain responds to academic challenges by providing rewards. Developing talents will help you to have something to do so you feel better about yourself and your accomplishments.

8. Give. Service toward others and generosity will elevate you emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Hardly anything can compare to the warm feelings you get when you volunteer your time to help somebody or some organization. Conversely, when you focus your thoughts inward and only think about yourself, you tend to self-loathe. One gift that you can give others is forgiveness. This unique and precious gift liberates the one holding onto a grudge as well as allowing the offender to repent and heal.

9. Laugh. Laughter (in moderation) releases many chemicals that make you feel better. Watch comedies or play fun games with other people that make you laugh. Tell and listen to jokes. These things help you to interact with people as well.

10. Physical touch. Physical contact with other human beings helps you to emotionally heal and reduces stress. Massage, hand-holding and other intimate contact is important for all human beings. As a secondary alternative, pets can provide physical contact but in my opinion is not as meaningful as human contact. Be the initiator in physical contact.

11. Indoor lighting is important. Adequate lighting in your house can literally brighten up your mood. Some people swear by "natural" lights that mimic sunlight. Some lights are better than others, but each person responds differently. The important thing is that you adequately light your rooms indoors.

12. Set goals - and accomplish them. When you set goals and work towards achieving them, you have a sense of accomplishment, which gives the time you spend in your life purpose. It is important that when you reach a goal, set another goal right away. Constantly keep in a state of accomplishment and progression.

13. Lose weight (if necessary). This will make you feel better about your body and the process will liberate you physically and mentally. This freedom will elevate your mood more than you may realize.

14. Surround yourself with uplifting media. Whether it be music, pictures, books (to include sacred written works - or scripture) or video - being inspired to tears is healthy for the soul.

15. Keep a journal. For me, it helps me to decompress and debrief at the end of the day so that I have closure. It also contributes to mental health to help track where I have been, what I have accomplished and keeps things real. If we try to commit everything to memory, those memories fade or distort over time but a journal keeps it fresh and aids in progress.

I have listed a few things that I have found to help. These things will not cure depression, but they will bring the horrible effects to a manageable level. They will provide you with higher highs and not so low lows.

There are things that we tend to do that are counterproductive when it comes to depression and I am going to list them as a cautionary measure but not to dwell on them.

1. Don't overindulge. We have a tendency to want to pamper ourselves when we are feeling down. This may help initially and in small increments, but binge eating and "retail therapy" only have the tendency to make matters worse. Focusing on yourself isolates yourself from other people and blocks out opportunities for friendship.

2. Don't oversleep. A restful sleep is healthy, but staying in bed longer than you need to leads to an unhealthy body and mind and you will feel like you have wasted time.

3. Don't vent your anger towards other people or on social media. You might think that it is helpful at the time, but you will regret it later, especially when you hurt other people. This will prolong your episode of depression or act as a trigger for future episodes.

4. Don't make a rash decision. In other words, don't make a permanent change to try to deal with a temporary situation. Depression may seem like it will never go away, but it is a temporary condition (normally). Suicide is never a solution. Marring your body with cuts and scrapes as well as excessive or extreme piercings, modifications or tattoos is not an effective or healthy solution for mental anguish. There are more effective ways of coping.  If you feel the need to inflict physical pain on your body, provide yourself with a healthy dose of calisthenics (rigorous exercise) instead of scarring or defacing your body permanently.

5. Never give up. Your life is meaningful and precious. When you build relationships with other people, you mean much to them as well. You may not realize it, but there are people who really care about you.

Salem Witch Trials Criteria?

I've seen a certain "if my dog doesn't like a person, then I shouldn't trust that person" kind of meme going around the on social networking sites… like the dog has some kind of mystical instincts that humans don't have.  I am going to debunk this myth.

I've encountered a lot of dogs in my life.  Some of them like me and some of them hate me.  The same dogs that hate me like other people, yet some of the dogs that like me hate other people.  Dogs have personalities like people and as people we seem to be attracted to certain types of people while we don't care for other types of people.  You could apply the same litmus test to babies that people use for dogs. Some babies take to certain adults, while others make them cry.  It's not some magical, mystical "sixth sense" kind of thing.  Simply put, some dogs (or babies) are attracted to certain people and not others or maybe they have an unusual aversion or fear to certain people.

There could be many reasons for this aversion or fear.

One of the things that triggers a fear is when a pet's owner (or in the case of a baby, the parent) has a fear, mistrust or dislike to a certain person, so what happens is the person telegraphs that fear either verbally, non-verbally or subconsciously.  These feelings are very powerful and often underestimated.

Another reason is that the dog has had a bad experience with that person or a person with similar appearance, sound, scent or gender.

Dogs, with their varying personalities and traits, have unique behaviors.  Most dogs are intimately familiar with the family they identify with and are comfortable with them and don't bark, bite or attack them.  Some dogs are friendly with strangers, but others are aggressive with strangers.  Some are aggressive with ALL strangers, but others discriminate between which strangers they take to and which ones they don't trust or feel threatened by.

I have noticed also that dogs are aggressive or defensive depending upon circumstances.  Dogs likely have poor vision when it is getting dark and have difficulty identifying people at or after dusk and will bark or chase them.  Some dogs also get more defensive at this time because they are conditioned to be more protective during the hours of darkness.

Dogs follow instincts are subject to behaviors that are unique to dogs.  Some dogs are very territorial or possessive and if they smell scents from other dogs (or other animals) they may react negatively.  Sometimes people just stink and the unpleasant odors will cause a negative reaction.  Dogs also have patterns of behavior that if interrupted have a tendency to annoy the dog.  Most animals do not tolerate eye contact and feel defensive if you look them in the eyes for any length of time.  They take this as a challenge.  Some dogs back down but others will attack.

There are many other reasons why a dog feels uncomfortable around some people but not others.  Just because a dog doesn't like you or mistrusts you doesn't mean you are evil or have ill intent.  I would like to see this urban legend debunked once and for all, but unfortunately people will believe anything that is posted as a meme on Facebook or Pinterest and they perpetuate those feelings with their own dogs and their own families.  Let's not give in to ancient and unsubstantiated criteria similar to those used in the Salem Witch Trials, but rather let's get to know people for who they are before crucifying them, publicly humiliating them or ostracizing them based upon a silly myth.