After many months of hard work in recording, photographing, promoting and providing equipment and support for a high school aged band, I was working at one of their final performances when a middle-aged man came up to me and shook my hand and said "thanks" and handed me a little card. This stranger was one of the band member's dad. Handwritten on the card was the phrase: "Thank you - it takes a village." That card meant a lot to me because I know the spirit in which it was written. I have long struggled with this concept though because I only agree with in partiality.
A few weeks ago I watched a video clip by MSNBC that I was appalled at. The host claimed that our children belong to the community or the collective, rather than belonging to their parents or their family. Nothing could be more wrong.
I believe that we all can and should do something to give back to our community and influence the lives of our children for good and to look out for and protect them however my child does not belong to the community or the government nor is it anyone else's responsibility to raise, nurture and teach and protect and provide for your child. We, as parents, should not come to rely on the community to raise our children, though we should naturally have more compassion and look out for the orphans, widows, the fatherless and those from broken homes or wherever help is needed.
Here are some concerns over relying on the community to raise your child:
- Safety - The streets (as we so often refer to them) have an unsavory reputation for being a dangerous place for our children. Even sending these children on public transportation can be a harrowing and worrisome experience for many parents... and for a good reason. There are many dangerous or careless people that would seek malicious intent on a child if they were allowed a chance.
- Bad examples - what are your children learning... and from whom? Do you care? There are plenty of bad examples for our children to learn from. They need good examples.
- Delinquent kids - who provides the discipline for them? The community does not dare to provide discipline for your child. It is not their job. In worst case scenarios where the discipline is left to the community, your child would end up in juvenile detention - perhaps worse. By the time your child ends up in the hands of the courts, it may be too late. Disciplining is the job of the parents.
- Absence of nurturing - Where does a child turn in the vacuum of appropriate nurturing and affection? Is it any wonder why we have a problem with teenage pregnancy? Children need proper affection and to be taught (by demonstration) what is appropriate touching and affection. Children (even teens) are starving for attention and affection. Loving parents provide that nurturing. The community cannot do this.
- Confusion and lack of identity - The children of this generation suffer from a lack of identity. Many of them aren't aware of their heritage, their religion or any hard and fast principles and morals. They need a moral compass... somebody to tell them what is right and wrong and who they are, to define their gender and even their sexual orientation.
We need strong communities and it is good to raise our children in these strong communities, but we can't count on it to happen. As parents, we need to take the responsibility of raising and nurturing our children. We shouldn't expect that the school, the church or the community will do an adequate job in doing so. We need to reject the idea that the government should rule over our families and make the decisions that we should be making as parents. We need to reject the idea that somebody else (the community... the village... whatever or whomever) will teach our children everything they need to know to survive in the world. We need to reject the idea that we, as parents, are inadequate for raising our own children.
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